THE FREEDOM TO PLAY : No War Heroes, No IronPigs


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The mighty British Army, the strongest military on Earth, advance on the American position so as to enforce the tyranny of King George III and put down the Rebellion once and for all. (Ronald Hilton photo)

COLDSTREAM GUARDS OFFICER — “Remember, lads. We don’t want these ungrateful Colonial assholes to win the war and, ultimately, invent baseball so the AAA Lehigh Valley IronPigs can play at Coca-Cola Park on the East Side of Allentown someday.

The Americans WILL play cricket and LIKE IT!”
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The hired guns of the British Crown, the German-speaking mercenaries known at the Hessians, have arrived on the scene to do all the real fighting for the loser Lobsterbacks.

HESSEN-KESSEL SOLDAT — “The best thing that can happen to us is to be captured by the American Colonial army, believe it or not.

The Americans have a prisoner of war camp just for Hessians in Northampton Town right by the Jordan Creek. But, the Americans have limited resources and really do not want to be bothered to guard and feed us. They would rather put us on parole and give us jobs working in local factories or on farms.

Plus, that area is flooded with German-speaking settlers. It should be easy to score chicks.”
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BRITISH OFFICER — “In the name of King George III as well as excessive and oppressive taxation without representation, I implore you rabble to surrender immediately.

The AAA Lehigh Valley IronPigs will never field a team capable of even a modest .500 winning percentage in the International League because the Philadelphia Phillies will just never care.

Save yourselves from the heartache while you are still able!”
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AMERICAN OFFICER — “Men, are we really going to just stand here and let some sexually-confused British Crown cross-dresser wearing some woman’s wig and stockings tell US we cannot invent baseball and go watch the IronPigs play at the Park on the East Side?”

(pause)

“Yo, Adrian — tell your King George III — Fuck Off and Die!”
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BRUNSWICK SOLDAT — “Holy shit, Hans. These soon-to-be American heroes do not seem to be frightened by our special Hessian Brass Mitre Hats, like everyone else, historically speaking.

They just shot the little British drummer boy — these dudes just don’t give a damn!

Getting captured, being paroled to become a Bauer and hitting on German-speaking babes in the region which will eventually be known as the Lehigh Valley is looking better and better by the minute.”
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BRITISH SOLDIER — “I just don’t understand this. All the King’s horses and all the King’s men said this was going to be a cake-walk over these unprofessional and ill-mannered American Colonials.”
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The British Army, with chaos now in command, retreat and leave the field and its symbolic victory to the Americans.

The Americans are now free to invent baseball and, thus, the AAA Lehigh Valley IronPigs are now able to play professionally in the prestigous International League at Coca-Cola Park on the East Side of Allentown.

(Note the German guy on the left who does not like to give up so easily, or so it would appear)

History lesson concluded.

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY and THANK YOU TO ALL THROUGHOUT HISTORY WHO MADE THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE ON BEHALF OF LIBERTY AND FREEDOM FOR THE UNTIED STATES OF AMERICA.

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This post was NOT inspired by the cowardly and disrespectful pretend-President of the United States, BARRACK HUSSEIN OBAMA, who COULD NOT be BOTHERED to make the ANNUAL VISIT to Arlington National Cemetery.

0-bama is too busy chillin’ in Chicago with his homeboys. Too busy playing golf. Too busy watching basketball.

Too busy standing up for the supposed Constiutional Rights of ILLEGAL ALIENS who break the law and do not respect existing U. S. Immigration policy.

Too busy smearing the illegal alien-overwhelmed citizenry of Arizona not to mention “Teabaggers”, who believe in limited government and low taxes.

Barrack Hussein Obama hates America as well as its history and traditions — how much more obvious can it get?

Can we elect a REAL PRESIDENT in 2012?

Please.

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