Why Can’t You Jerks Just Stick To Sports?


KLEINER JUNGE — Mutti wants to know why you jerks have to stick your unwanted political opinions in everything and how come you clowns can’t just concentrate on IronPigs baseball?

You guys cranked out game reports for spring training and the World Baseball Classic.

You guys used to pick a Player of the Game night in and night out and, if Lehigh Valley lost, you would choose one from each team. You guys used to put up all kinds of articles about everything, kept careful and prompt track of all team transactions as well as statistics, and put up the box scores everyday, too.

Not just for the IronPigs but for their theoretical feeder team, the AA R-Phils of the Eastern League, too.

Mutti says you guys freaked out after Obama’s Dog’s Baseball Card was released last spring. And you got progressively worse. Mutti says not only are you guys sore losers, but you really don’t know a damned thing about baseball anyway.

I think you guys just plain suck — so do your opinions.

POLIZEI — Your mom is right – we did freak with the Obama Dog Baseball Card and its “fun facts” about the Presidential pooch.

We understood the canine promised to Sascha and Malia was to be adopted from the Shelter — just one of MANY Obama campaign promises that would go by the boards unchallenged by the lap dogs in the Main Steam Media.

Now — go ask your mom where the fuck she was when The Morning Call was publishing articles about Coca-Cola Park entitled “Why Are We Financing Stadiums” (Christina Gostomski, April 22, 2009)?

Every college professor in town beat the snot out of us and said it would have been better to just distribute the money to the general citizenry. THAT was embarassing and we shant be soon forgetting the whole episode. Eventually, for lack of overt support from IronPigs fans, we had no choice but concede defeat to the college professors.

But that was just for starters.

All year long, we pushed and prodded the IronPigs to get to the break-even mark of a .500 winning-percentage. We NEVER asked for fucking championships. NEVER – always a modest, but respectable, five hundred.

In no uncertain terms, EVERYWHERE we went, we were told to SHUT THE FUCK UP — because the Philadelphia Phillies are doing great!

That we were just too stupid to understand what is really going on here in minor league baseball. Stars of the furture, Player development, Family entertainment — you know — the standard selling points.

All the while, we get “treated” to downright shocking opinons from certain local sportswriters who shall remain nameless advocating the elimination of the singing of the National Anthem prior to IronPigs baseball games.

This on top of the standard, daily, trash-talking of Conservatives and people who believe in limited government and low taxes.

It is our “job” to ignore everything, we have been told.

As a matter of policy, if jobs are required then we expect paychecks in return.

By the way, does your mom have somebody holding a gun to her head that makes her read the IronPigs blog here or something?

If so, tell her she should call the cops.

KLEINE JUNGE — I thought YOU were the cops.

POLIZEI — Not those kinds of cops – we don’t do house calls. Tell your mom to call Obama. El Presidente would LOVE to have blog police and put us “out of business”, so to speak.

Too bad for Obama and the Democrats we do not try to make money here — you know damn well Obama and the Democrats want to tax the living crap out of everything so as to pay for their outrageous spending spree as well as “return wealth to its rightful owners.”

KLEINE JUNGE — My dad says you guys are assholes because he is trying to relax after work — sports and politics are to be kept separate.

POLIZEI — Your dad does not watch a whole lot of the National Basketball Association, does he?

Daddy-O might want to do some research on Phoenix’s team, LOS SUNS, sometime when he has a minute. The team that supports law-breaking illegal aliens who do not respect U.S. sovereignty or immigration laws.

I believe Obama set an all-time, single-season record for appearances by a sitting President on Monday Night Football. By a mile. I could be mistaken.

I take it for granted Pa Pa missed Obama’s Cominskey Field fiasco in the interview with Bob Costas at the All-Star Game in St. Louis last summer, too.

But, hey, I am sure your dad is a busy guy working hard for the family and everything.

KLEINE JUNGE — My first grade teacher says you guys give the First Amendment a bad name.

POLIZEI — Your teacher’s union requires her to tell you that. Ask your teacher what else her union requires of her. She will be unnerved and send you to the Principal’s office.

Better yet, ask her Union Rep what the deal is. Be prepared to duck a punch. Especially if you are a Boy Scout!

KLEINE JUNGE — I still think you guys suck.

POLIZEI — It is not coincidental that we changed to a certain format for this season. Are you smart enough to understand all the heavy symbolism going on about here, Little Boy? Or are you a fucking moron, historically speaking, who thinks we are Hitler’s Nazis?

Let me give you a hint.

Our IronPigs Experience last season was miserable. Our American Experience with the VERY FIRST Post-Modern President has been extremely unhappy — with no end in sight, I might add.

Hell, it could be another SIX YEARS. And that is assuming Obama, who thinks he is FDR reincarnated, does not repeal the Amendment limiting Presidents to two terms.

Of course, as you know, the IronPigs contend for the cellar this season in the International League.

See if you can figure out the rest yourself. We try and use as many black and white photographs as possible. Exactly how aware of what is going on all around you and why, Little Boy?


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